You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
