between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
