fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
