shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize