I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there was a trapeze. enough said
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
