Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
