omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize