my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
