the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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