so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
