i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
