The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
