Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
