I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
