Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
