my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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