I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
