How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
