Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
