sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
