She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
