What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize