I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
