My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
