Walk of Shame. In a state park.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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