Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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