I never want to see another naked old woman again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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