I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
