i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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