I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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