So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
