Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
