but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
