So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
