the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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