Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
