i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize