I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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