I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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