shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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