we're blogging at a bar
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
