When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
