Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
