he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
