There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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