just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
