Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He shit in the fireplace
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
