i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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