I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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