best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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