you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
