dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i barfeds in our rink
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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