chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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