I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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