Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
