I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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