Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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