Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
