he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
