Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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