Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
