Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
