Umm I'm too high to move.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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