Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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