Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
