Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
