I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize