Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
