The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I will pee on everything he values.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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