Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
