She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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