from now on my penis is your penis
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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