i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
