I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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