I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
