highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
