I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize