I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
