Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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