what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
