hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
