You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
