So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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