i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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