I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
