All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
