dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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