dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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