oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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