didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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