party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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