So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
