it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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