how can u be prego again
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
