i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
