wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How external is "for external use only"?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
