You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
