We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
