K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize