I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
