Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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