The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
