I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
