I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need to calm my uterus...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
