I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
