i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
