I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
